Hey,
I am feeling slightly nervous and very scared at the moment (hence the post title). So here's the story...
Basically the last post was written after finding out a friend of mine had been to the pastoral support partner at school about her concerns about my eating. I was called into the PSP's office yesturday and we talked for a bit and she gave me some information on eating disorders.
I was kinda worked up after seeing her, and whilst walking in the corridor my counsellor stopped me and said I was looking down and upset. I told her that my friend had talked to the PSP and she had talked to me earlier that day. She asked me to come and have a chat in her room and it all sort of happened after that.
I was honest with her and told her that I was concerned about my own eating and that it was confusing me! I already have a doctors appointment next tues anyway for my headaches, and my counsellor said I needed to tell the doctor how down I have been feeling and about my weight. I was scared because I didnt want to tell the doctor because my mum was taking me and she ALWAYS comes in the room, and it simply wasn't worth the hassle and all the questions if I asked her to not come in the room.
Me and the counsellor ended up going to speak to the students and families co-ordinator and he said that I really needed to go to the doctors. He is in contact with the doctor I have the appointment with, and he said he could phone her, and ask her to say that she needs a word with me in private if my mum comes in. I was confused and didn't have a clue what I wanted to do. It was so intimidating with both my counsellor and the SAFC there. So he left me to make the decision at home that evening and go and tell him my choice the next day (which is now today)
When I got home I spoke to mum and said seeings as though I am down dads net week he might as well take me to the doctors, it could be easier and less hassle, she agreed to let dad take me. Hopefully my dad wont want to come in with me which means I can tell the doctor how I have been feeling and whats going on with the eating, and who knows they might be able to help?
I went to see the teacher earlier and told him my decision, I told him my fears about freezing up and not being able to tell her everything, so he has phoned her and told her the basic details about what I am going to talk to her about. So hopefully thats that cleared up a bit.
So I'm here now, with just the fact that I've got to talk to the doctor on tuesday going through my head. I'm nervous I've never been to the doctor on my own even thought I'm nearly 16. I havent got to worry about freezing up now, but I am still nervous and scared of something. But there's also part of me that just wants to get it over with now, so I dont have to keep thinking about it and its done.
I break up for half term today, I've decided that I am staying at my dads (as mentioned earlier) seeings as though I have been argueing with mum, it seems like the perfect time to get away from her. I am planning to do lots of school work and catch up with that aspect of things. I have got to work here and there but I will be relaxing as well, maybe get out and take some photos.
Anyway for now, thats it. Speak soon. xxxx
