Hey,
Well just a quick update. I went to the doctors today and some progress has been made.
I talked to the doctor and basically told her things are still extremely bad and they feel like they are getting worse each time. I explained about the last fortnight or so and how difficult it was and about how stressed,tense and basically wound up I am, because of exams and everything else going on.
I went through all the side effects and things I experience when I feel crappy, and she wanted to know more about my energy levels and that when it comes to midday I am shattered and feeling lathargic. I told her I go around all day with a feeling like I have just got out of bed, I have no enthusiam for the things I used to love, the fact I damaged my back has certainly not helped things and that I am still seeing the counsellor.
She told me that I would not be able to see a counsellor at the practice or a pychiatrist until I was 16 because thats 'just the known rule'. I said I asnt really comfortable talking with someone else because its taken a LONG time to finally open up to Jen.
She had spoken to the psychiatrist, and they had said definitely NO medication in the form of anti-depressants, my heart sank, I wondered what the hell was going to happen next!
She started talking about these tablets, that in small doses helped for a lot of things. They are used as anti-depressants in a higher dosage and she said they are basically anti-depressants but we can get away with not calling them that. She said they will help all the little things aswell tension, headaches, neck muscles, back, sleeping, mood swings, the depression, energy levels, nightmares practically the whole lot.
There is a HUGE list of side effects on the patient guide sheet thing, and she said I will feel like shit for the first week, and will feel extremely tired so if I need to have lie in's, early nights and naps during the day. After about 3-4 weeks I should start to really notice something, if not go back to her and she will see what she can do.
So yeh, I guess I feel a bit better now that progress has been made and I've actually got something real to try. I am going to start the tablets on sunday evening, because they are to be taken before bed, which is why they help to get to sleep. She advised me to start taking them when I've got a few days of work, and I havent got anything planned from sunday evening til wednesday so I should, fingers crossed be okay. Revision will just have to wait a few days I will do what I can when I can but I'm not going to push it, sorting myself out and my health out is more important at the moment. If sacrficing a few days of revision can get my head sorted out and get me feeling normal for the rest of my revision and my exams in summer then a few days really wont be much of a sacrfice at all.
I've got to go back again in a month or so to let her know how I'm getting on.
I also had my haircut today, which has made me feel a little better, and a bit more comfortable in myself. Funny how something simple like a haircut can have so much effect on someones emotional state.
I went to the library and got some books out today, one or two are quite deep whilst the others are quite chick flicky, I got them before I went to the doctors which was pretty lucky really because if I cant be doing revision or much else the next few days I will be able to get lost in a good book hopefully.
I am really tired right now, its been a rollercoaster of a day, partly emotionally partly physically. I was proud of myself this morning I got up early managed to have a bath and straighten my hair, got ready for work and walked the mile and a half to work, which didnt do my back much good but made me feel a bit better and a bit healthier. I then had to serve a bit party who were a bunch of my old primary school teachers some of whom I hadnt seen for about 3 years so whilst it was a bit strange it was very nice to see them again.
After that it was straight into town for my haircut. I had that done then went and had a drink in town. IT was then off to the library, spent about 20mins on a computer then to the other side of town for the doctors. I was in their for the half hour, then it was over to Bex's shop to get my lift home, there was no point going home though to I went straight into work and actually sat down for about 20 minutes then I started working at 6.30 until about 9.30 and now I am home, very tired and writing this. So I am going to go to bed with some ribena because I am very thirsty and start one of my books.
I will update soon, probably on sunday night, and then after. I will probably be keeping a sort of record here so I can see how the tablets are effecting me.
Anyways, fingers crossed and who knows... this might be it. I'm not getting my hopes up though, expect the worse and anything will be better, my rule for life.
Night night xxxxx
