Hey,

After today I am feeling a bit more positive and I actually feel like I'm back on the road to recovery, its going to be lots of little steps but eventually they will get me somewhere. Its taken me about 3 weeks to get back in this frame of mind and I'm determined to keep it this way for as long as I can.

Something good happened today, it was small but it was good and I think it was a positive step in the right direction. I managed to eat something for lunch, it was only a few small handfuls of muesli, crunchy cereal stuff but I ate some of it, and I felt okay about it. I wasn't feeling guilty or anything, although I didn't feel as good about the achievement as I thought I would but at least I did it.

If the time ever comes where its hard to eat I know that if I really want to I can, because I did it today. Its a point which I can look back to and feel positive about.

This whole mood/feeling came from talking to someone, I had spoken to her the week before I went to the doctors, she is someone who kind of has first hand knowledge about eating disorders because her best friend had one whilst they were in school. I hadn't really told her about the mental side of it all but today I did. She gave me lots of advice, and kind of helped me make a plan and have a little bit of structure, she gave me ideas and things to go off and do and try.

One was to not spend so much time on the computer, she said it would be a good idea to only go on the computer to do something specific rather than just go on whatever I fancy. Have a purpose and an aim. Because although computers stimulate the brain they can sometimes be quite negative.

So she suggested trying to do more exercise and perhaps picking up a few new hobbies. I have been using a great website lately www.recoveryourlife.com and there are loads of ideas and things on there to help aid recovery.

I am going to do a few posts on here, so that the information I need is here whenever I want/need it and I can come back to it whenever I want to.

So thats the latest update and its nice to have something positive to say for a change. I'm actually smiling about little things that make me happy, maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I may have to turn back and get new batteries for my torch every now and then but the light is always there, I just need to widen my eyes and look out for it.

=]

xx