I'm only human.

Hey,
Yes another snippet from my leavers book, again it is from a teacher, well kind of, she doesn't actually teach a subject, she is a pastoral support partner, and the last month or so she has been amazing, no actually more than amazing, she stuck by me, listened to me for hours on end and most of all never gave up on me, even when I did myself.

"What can I say? Doesn't time fly? I'm not sure of your plans for the future- but whatever they are I know you will succeed.

Never stop believing in yourself, you can acheive whatever you dream. I believe in you!

You're a wonderful young lady, with a strong mind and a huge heart.

Good luck in all you do. Work hard, have fun and always always believe in yourself.

May there always be work for your hands to do,
May your purse always hold a coin or two,
May the sun always shine on your windowpane,
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain,
May the hand of a friend always be near you,
May the memory of school always cheer you."

Hey,
Another snippet from my leavers book, this was written by a teacher whom I am very close to, she has helped me through so much, she was the one I went to when I thought I couldn't go on any longer, she helped me out of that time and stayed beside me and helped me do what I needed to do, which was open up to my counsellor.

I love her so much, and I am so glad that she will be teaching me next year, she only teaches A1 and A2, so I've had to wait until college to actually be in her classes. This is the teacher that I entered for the best teacher award on my local radio. She didn't get it but she is still the best teacher I have ever come across!

What she wrote in my leavers book really really touched my heart and its something I will always always keep in my mind.

"Well what can I say? I have been teaching for nearly 19 years and I've met so many young people. Some always remain special and you are one of those!

You have many special qualities. I would need the whole book to write them all. Remember life is special, as are you! Believe in youself, always remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Equally remember there are so many of us that care so much about you and would always be willing to stay in that tunnel with you and hold the torch!

You are special, I care and remember I am always here for you."

It's the whole tunnel bit that got to me, she knows so much about me and knew exactly what to say.

Hey,
I have wanted to put this in my blog for a while now. It's something that was written in my leavers book back in may when it was my last few days of compulsory school. Now that my exams are over it seems like a good time to finally get it on here.

It was written by one of my best friends, its something she found on the internet, some of it is copied and some of it she wrote herself, I love it, whenever I find myself a bit lost with things I look back at it and something always gets to me and sorts me out. So here it is:

"Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others,
It is because we are different that each of us is special,
Don't set goals by what other people deem important,
Only you know what is best for you,

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart,
Cling to them as you would your life for without them, life is meaningless,
Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future,
By living your life one day at a time you live all the days of your life,

Don't give up when you still have something to give,
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying,
Don't be afraid to admit thayt you are less than perfect,
It is this fragile thread that binds us to eachother,

Don't be afraid to encounter risks,
It is by taking chances we learn to be brave,
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find,
The quickest way to recieve love is to give love,
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on to tightly,
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings,

Don't dimiss your dreams to be without dreams is to be without hope,
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast, that you forget not only where you've been,
But also where you're going.

Life is not a race, a race for acceptance,
But a journey to be savoured each step of the way."

(Wrote this lastnight)

Hey,
Ok the title, Racing Stripes, awesome film, I'm just watching the end of it now, it gets me every single time. It's such a feel good film! I love it so much, its great to watch when you feel like maybe you can't do something, and you get the total you can do anything motivation vibe from it. I just watched it for the hell of it, no matter how good I am feeling it makes me feel even better eveyr time. I get the heeby jeebies when he's winning the race at the end. God so sad but such a fantastic film!

OK well after doing those other two posts that are kind of specifically about something this one will probably seem really random, but there are lots of little bits I kind of want to talk about so their all going in this one together.

God, I feel great, really fantastic which is so so nice for a change. I think its because of the relief of exams just being lifted. I didn't realise quite how much pressure I was getting from the exams and for how long, I feel that months and months of build up have finally been released. I haven't been able to get excited about all the great things that are happening soon, and after doing my last exam yesturday (Oh yes!) I feel so much lighter and free from everything.

On monday and tuesday I was feeling pretty down, well actually I felt like shit, but I seem to have gone full circle within about three days, gone from feeling really low, and feeling back down again, to 3 days later feeling absolutely amazing. There is something about it this time that feels different, normally it takes so much effort to stay in a good mood, it feels like I have to work really hard to be light hearted, funny, smiling...happy. But this time, oh my god I cannot explain it, it feels natural, normal. It's coming so easily, I haven't got to work hard, although saying that there have been moments where for a few minutes where I have had to kick myself and kind of say 'Dont think that', and when I start to feel like that I just keep myself busy to literally block those feelings out.

I can't believe I was scared of feeling this way, yes as screwed up as it sounds I really was. I had forgotten what it felt like, I didn't know whether I would like it, whether I would still be the same person, all I have known for the past few years are my lows, the doom and gloom of everything, and now again the total high's where I manage to kid myself for just a few days that I was happy. Now I actually feel happy. I am in no way getting my hopes up like I have SO many times before but I am going to make this last as long as I can.

I am finally able to get excited about things, I saw my exam yesturday (thursday) as the last hurdle, the time where I can finally let myself go and start thinking about the future and all the awesome things that lie ahead of me these next few weeks. I have been putting it off for weeks and weeks and weeks, and now suddenly it's all hit my smack in the face all at once, the excitement of some pretty cool things. I am overwelmed by it.

The next few weeks are unbelievably busy for me, I've got a party tomorrow night, which I am kind of excited about because its like the first party the first milestone after my exams. In 3 days I turn 16! I'm not as excited about it as I thought I would be but I'm still excited which is wicked. On thursday I go to do my CBT (Compulosory Basic Training) for my motorbike so I can get on the road with my bike. Then Friday I have my 16th Birthday party which I am sooooo looking forward to because so many people are coming. I'm having it in the pub where I used to work so I wont have to worry about anything getting broken or puke being everywhere! I've got live entertainment that I've organised and its just going to be so exciting. Surrounded by all of myfriends, that party really will mark the begining of a long awesome super packed summer. Oh my god I cant wait!! Then a week after my party I set off to Morocco for 2 weeks.

I'm a little scared about coming back from my holiday and hitting a low because it's going to be a total anti-climax all the excitement will be gone, but I'm determined to keep thinking positive, I am going to plan and organise some things ready for when I get back to keep me busy, and if I do feel down, well I'll deal with it if and when the time comes.

I've managed to get lots done this week, I think its part of feeling so happy which has given me a kick up the butt and the motivation to get it all done. It felt like forever since I wrote a to do list, and the other night I was in bed and my head was spinning, this to do, that to do, I couldn't get off to sleep! So I wrote it all down, a nice big A4 list, and on wednesday I managed to get most of it done. Its was all sorts, from editing photo's, buying an SD card, researching about holiday, researching information about my dog, sorting my phone out, look at bike tax, look at bike insurance, book my CBT, there was loads and it felt so great to get it all done. There are a few things to still do but its all under control.

I feel like life if somehow changed these past few weeks, damn they have been bloody hard but somewhere somehow something clicked and now it feels awesome and I'm reaping it for all I can. I understand that this could all change so quickly and I guess I'm actually waiting for a downer which I shouldn't, see I'm thinking negative so I'm going to close this off now and go and find something to do!

xxxx