I'm only human.

Dear Dr T,
I am writing to you to express my opinions and to thank you for the excellent forms of support the school has given me.

Throughout my five years at W School I have always noticed the high level of support that is within the school, through teachers and other staff. During my last two years at W School I struggled with a number of things, of which without the help I received from the school I cannot imagine getting through, more so within the last year than any other.

The pastoral support system is fantastic and has been a huge help to me. Ms B has been incredibly kind and has helped me overcome many things, and she still continues to do so even though I am on summer break, she says that she is always there and she means it. She is very approachable and always deals with things in a way that is understandable and not at all patronising. She is honest and someone who I have been able to trust which has been really important for me.

I have spent time talking to the school counsellor and have also found she has been a superb help to me, her professionalism supported me through some difficult areas and the level of confidentiality that she promised was always held. She allowed flexibility in areas such as appointments, which during the last few weeks of school was extremely beneficial due to revision. Like Ms B she was available during study leave and she took the time to work out appointments, of which I am very grateful for.

Another fantastic help was Mr W, who during exams was brilliant. He guided me through revision which I was struggling with, and never gave up on me even though at times I felt like doing so myself. Again he was always available to talk to, and always had time in his day to either simply have a chat or sort something out. His knowledge about teaching and learning is so helpful and I believe that without his help I would have approached my GCSE’s in a negative mindset and would have struggled a large amount with revision and exams.

I just wanted to write to you to let you know that this help and support that the school has given me has not in anyway gone unappreciated and I cannot express how thankful I am for everything that has been done in order to help me. The high level and support of the school is the main reason I am returning to the sixth form in September because I find it hard to believe it is possible to find people like those mentioned above at any other school or college.

So, Thank-You for having such an incredible group of people who are able to create such an amazing support system of which I am truly grateful for.

Hey,
Well I'm back from my holiday!! I got back on friday and I haven't stopped since I've been flapping around doing one thing or another.The annoying thing is its lots of little things as well, so I end up feeling like I haven’t actually done that much, but still feel absolutely knackered for it!

I dont know where to start, I feel like there is quite a bit to say!

Well first of all, today I got a phonecall from the doctor, it was the counsellor there, she told me that she is ready to take appointments, so my first one is next tuesday afternoon. I’m nervous but I guess I’m also kind of interested, I want to know what’s going to happen, its going to be a new approach to things and I guess I’m ‘eager’ (Maybe that’s a bit exaggerated but I can’t think of any other word) to try something new in the hope that it will help a bit. It’s at 2.30 and I’m going to go in on my bike, mum is going to be working then I think which is a bummer but I will just have to try really hard to avoid her, she’s going to be the other end of town so I can park my bike out the back of bex’s shop and walk over the doctors the back way and hope for the best, god knows what I will do if she finds out!!

I need to get a job, I gave up my other one and now I need a new one!I dropped my CV into the photography shop today so I’m just waiting now to see whether I will get an interview or anything. If I don’t hear from them in the next week or so I am going to apply for the costcutter one, not brilliant but it’s a job which means money. I asked at the local cinema whether they will be needing anyone, but they said not until September so I will go back then. It will be ideal if I get the photography shop job, because its 8.30-5 hours so I can still earn money by babysitting in the evenings. Although if I do get the job it will only be weekdays up until September because I cant do those hours if I am at school. They are looking for someone permanent for Saturdays so maybe I could do those hours. Oh well its just a case of the waiting game now I suppose!

Like I said, I’ve been really busy for some weird reason. Just sorting little things out and catching up on stuff, running errands. I went chiropractor on Monday then had to go right out of town to get my brother his birthday present because I just didn’t get the chance between getting back from the holiday and his birthday, he didn’t mind it being late though as long as he got it!!I wanted to see my counsellor and book and appointment with her but I didn’t have time to catch her on Monday, and she wasn’t in today and she isn’t in tomorrow either so I wouldn’t have been able to get an appointment anyway. They break up tomorrow so she wont be in again until next term.

I went into school today, had a little chat with Ms B, nothing much just an update I guess, talked a little about the eating but just more about random things, was nice to see her again. I really really wish I had chance to speak to my counsellor though, I feel like there is a lot I need to vent out, I’m just hoping that I can do it through my blog.

The holiday screwed my head up, which really pisses me off, I don’t know what it was that did it, I thought maybe having to much time to think about things, but I didn’t think about anything hardly at all whilst I was out there yet I still felt like total shit. I was getting angry because I was in Morocco but because I felt so crap I couldn’t get into it, I had no enthusiam what so ever and I still can’t be enthusiastic about it now when I talk about it.

I enjoyed the holiday, well I keep telling myself that anyway. The part I enjoyed was going off and doing things, the actual things, like quad biking, and shopping and stuff. But the thing I hated and the thing that totally ruined it was mum, all three of us argued the whole time, if it wasn’t me and mum it was mum winding me and Richard up and playing us off against each other so we argued. It was such hard work, and I reckon that’s why I am so tired.

I am so pissed off that I am feeling low again, I keep trying to remember how I felt when I felt really good after my last exam, but I’ve forgotten already and anything I can remember just doesn’t feel like it was real.

My eating is totally up the friggin creak again. I just cant bring myself to eat, if I can miss a meal time I do. I’m eating odd bits here and there but I’m not hungry and when I am for some reason I just don’t let myself. It’s so confusing, hopefully the whole CBT thing will sort it, not immediately I know but just seeing it clearly or understanding it will help I reckon.

Since I have left school I have been planning to write a letter to the head teacher of my school. I did it this evening and I reckon its pretty good, I’m going to post it on here. I have put his copy in an envelope and I am going to drop it in personally tomorrow, I have also done two copies extra, one for Ms B to see and one for Mr W to see because I mentioned them both in the letter and I want them to see it just in case the head doesn’t show it to them himself.

I have to be at the dentist tomorrow morning for 8.00 =[ Great. I am going to get back and then go into school, drop the letters off and make a complaint about the driver that drives the school bus I used to go on, the one my brother is still on. He drives like a maniac, I always thought it when I was a passenger and on my way down to my dads I met him on the road whilst I was on my bike and it confirmed that he is a bloody idiot. He scared me so much I thought he was going to hit me and the annoying thing is he drives like it all the time. He was driving far to fast for the country roads and he was driving on my side of the road even though he had plenty on his side. I managed to stop completely as he went past me but I ended up having to park my bike part way up the hedge, (a move most bikers know, if the time comes to 'hedge it'. If I hadn't parked it he would have hit me, he passed me going so fast and was only about 2 feet away, if that. My brother was on the bus and saw along with a few other of the school kids so I have some witnesses. My brother bless him was so wound up when I got home, he was so angry at the bus driver!! Oh well I hope he gets whats coming to him!!

I don't know what else to say right now so I guess thats it.

xxx

Hey,
Well know I havent updated in a little while, but plan on doing so in the next few days, before I go on holiday anyway. But for now this is a post I put on a forum, for some reason I just wanted to put it here.

Hey,
Well I feel stupid and embarrassed. Only a short while ago I was on here saying how positive and good I was doing.

Now I'm just back to the begining. The very begining. I keep trying to convince myself I haven't got an eating problem, but the fact that I am back to eating hardly anything, and if I can nothing tells me that there is still something wrong.

God I feel so argh, stupid and frustrated, where did all that positivity go? I have been so incredibly busy the last week or so I haven't had chance to stop and think about how my head and my thoughts feel about this, so it seems like somehow, I have gone back to the very begining with the amounts I am eating, but my head is not in the place it was before.

Last time round I was so in depth with the thoughts, I couldn't stop thinking about it, running through it and trying to work it out, I haven't done that this time and its what makes it so confusing. I have no idea what it is that has made me go back to where I am.

I'm not eating, I don't know why, god it annoys me so much. I know what I have got to do, I know I can do it because I've done it before, so why the hell cant I just get on and do it?

I know that its going to take alot to get back where I was before, and I also know that chances are nothing anyone will say will help, so I don't really know what I am trying to acheive by posting this, I guess I just need to get it out.

Sorry. xxx

Hey,
Yes another snippet from my leavers book, again it is from a teacher, well kind of, she doesn't actually teach a subject, she is a pastoral support partner, and the last month or so she has been amazing, no actually more than amazing, she stuck by me, listened to me for hours on end and most of all never gave up on me, even when I did myself.

"What can I say? Doesn't time fly? I'm not sure of your plans for the future- but whatever they are I know you will succeed.

Never stop believing in yourself, you can acheive whatever you dream. I believe in you!

You're a wonderful young lady, with a strong mind and a huge heart.

Good luck in all you do. Work hard, have fun and always always believe in yourself.

May there always be work for your hands to do,
May your purse always hold a coin or two,
May the sun always shine on your windowpane,
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain,
May the hand of a friend always be near you,
May the memory of school always cheer you."

Hey,
Another snippet from my leavers book, this was written by a teacher whom I am very close to, she has helped me through so much, she was the one I went to when I thought I couldn't go on any longer, she helped me out of that time and stayed beside me and helped me do what I needed to do, which was open up to my counsellor.

I love her so much, and I am so glad that she will be teaching me next year, she only teaches A1 and A2, so I've had to wait until college to actually be in her classes. This is the teacher that I entered for the best teacher award on my local radio. She didn't get it but she is still the best teacher I have ever come across!

What she wrote in my leavers book really really touched my heart and its something I will always always keep in my mind.

"Well what can I say? I have been teaching for nearly 19 years and I've met so many young people. Some always remain special and you are one of those!

You have many special qualities. I would need the whole book to write them all. Remember life is special, as are you! Believe in youself, always remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Equally remember there are so many of us that care so much about you and would always be willing to stay in that tunnel with you and hold the torch!

You are special, I care and remember I am always here for you."

It's the whole tunnel bit that got to me, she knows so much about me and knew exactly what to say.

Hey,
I have wanted to put this in my blog for a while now. It's something that was written in my leavers book back in may when it was my last few days of compulsory school. Now that my exams are over it seems like a good time to finally get it on here.

It was written by one of my best friends, its something she found on the internet, some of it is copied and some of it she wrote herself, I love it, whenever I find myself a bit lost with things I look back at it and something always gets to me and sorts me out. So here it is:

"Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself to others,
It is because we are different that each of us is special,
Don't set goals by what other people deem important,
Only you know what is best for you,

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart,
Cling to them as you would your life for without them, life is meaningless,
Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future,
By living your life one day at a time you live all the days of your life,

Don't give up when you still have something to give,
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying,
Don't be afraid to admit thayt you are less than perfect,
It is this fragile thread that binds us to eachother,

Don't be afraid to encounter risks,
It is by taking chances we learn to be brave,
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find,
The quickest way to recieve love is to give love,
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on to tightly,
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings,

Don't dimiss your dreams to be without dreams is to be without hope,
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast, that you forget not only where you've been,
But also where you're going.

Life is not a race, a race for acceptance,
But a journey to be savoured each step of the way."

(Wrote this lastnight)

Hey,
Ok the title, Racing Stripes, awesome film, I'm just watching the end of it now, it gets me every single time. It's such a feel good film! I love it so much, its great to watch when you feel like maybe you can't do something, and you get the total you can do anything motivation vibe from it. I just watched it for the hell of it, no matter how good I am feeling it makes me feel even better eveyr time. I get the heeby jeebies when he's winning the race at the end. God so sad but such a fantastic film!

OK well after doing those other two posts that are kind of specifically about something this one will probably seem really random, but there are lots of little bits I kind of want to talk about so their all going in this one together.

God, I feel great, really fantastic which is so so nice for a change. I think its because of the relief of exams just being lifted. I didn't realise quite how much pressure I was getting from the exams and for how long, I feel that months and months of build up have finally been released. I haven't been able to get excited about all the great things that are happening soon, and after doing my last exam yesturday (Oh yes!) I feel so much lighter and free from everything.

On monday and tuesday I was feeling pretty down, well actually I felt like shit, but I seem to have gone full circle within about three days, gone from feeling really low, and feeling back down again, to 3 days later feeling absolutely amazing. There is something about it this time that feels different, normally it takes so much effort to stay in a good mood, it feels like I have to work really hard to be light hearted, funny, smiling...happy. But this time, oh my god I cannot explain it, it feels natural, normal. It's coming so easily, I haven't got to work hard, although saying that there have been moments where for a few minutes where I have had to kick myself and kind of say 'Dont think that', and when I start to feel like that I just keep myself busy to literally block those feelings out.

I can't believe I was scared of feeling this way, yes as screwed up as it sounds I really was. I had forgotten what it felt like, I didn't know whether I would like it, whether I would still be the same person, all I have known for the past few years are my lows, the doom and gloom of everything, and now again the total high's where I manage to kid myself for just a few days that I was happy. Now I actually feel happy. I am in no way getting my hopes up like I have SO many times before but I am going to make this last as long as I can.

I am finally able to get excited about things, I saw my exam yesturday (thursday) as the last hurdle, the time where I can finally let myself go and start thinking about the future and all the awesome things that lie ahead of me these next few weeks. I have been putting it off for weeks and weeks and weeks, and now suddenly it's all hit my smack in the face all at once, the excitement of some pretty cool things. I am overwelmed by it.

The next few weeks are unbelievably busy for me, I've got a party tomorrow night, which I am kind of excited about because its like the first party the first milestone after my exams. In 3 days I turn 16! I'm not as excited about it as I thought I would be but I'm still excited which is wicked. On thursday I go to do my CBT (Compulosory Basic Training) for my motorbike so I can get on the road with my bike. Then Friday I have my 16th Birthday party which I am sooooo looking forward to because so many people are coming. I'm having it in the pub where I used to work so I wont have to worry about anything getting broken or puke being everywhere! I've got live entertainment that I've organised and its just going to be so exciting. Surrounded by all of myfriends, that party really will mark the begining of a long awesome super packed summer. Oh my god I cant wait!! Then a week after my party I set off to Morocco for 2 weeks.

I'm a little scared about coming back from my holiday and hitting a low because it's going to be a total anti-climax all the excitement will be gone, but I'm determined to keep thinking positive, I am going to plan and organise some things ready for when I get back to keep me busy, and if I do feel down, well I'll deal with it if and when the time comes.

I've managed to get lots done this week, I think its part of feeling so happy which has given me a kick up the butt and the motivation to get it all done. It felt like forever since I wrote a to do list, and the other night I was in bed and my head was spinning, this to do, that to do, I couldn't get off to sleep! So I wrote it all down, a nice big A4 list, and on wednesday I managed to get most of it done. Its was all sorts, from editing photo's, buying an SD card, researching about holiday, researching information about my dog, sorting my phone out, look at bike tax, look at bike insurance, book my CBT, there was loads and it felt so great to get it all done. There are a few things to still do but its all under control.

I feel like life if somehow changed these past few weeks, damn they have been bloody hard but somewhere somehow something clicked and now it feels awesome and I'm reaping it for all I can. I understand that this could all change so quickly and I guess I'm actually waiting for a downer which I shouldn't, see I'm thinking negative so I'm going to close this off now and go and find something to do!

xxxx

Hey,
Since coming to the end of my exams I have been feeling great, alot more settled which is good, its nice. Feels a bit weird but I'm getting used to it, and enjoying it whilst I can.

Last Friday when I had my little 'moment' when I felt so relieved about everything, I realised that I needed to get more tablets pretty soon because I'm going on holiday and I don't have enough to get me through.

A few nights ago, I sat down and had a serious think about these tablets and what they are doing for me, I was honest with myself and realised that they aren't actually doing much, yeh ok, when I am feeling anxious they calm me down a bit and keep my grounded but that isn't worth the effects they are having on me.

I haven't had many side effects from the tablets apart from having a dry mouth from constantly feeling thirsty, no matter how much I drink. I mean the last month or so I have been drinking about 3-4 litres of water a day. Which is more than I used to but I am still getting a really dry mouth and waking up in the night feeling really dehydrated, dry mouth, dry throat, headache and dizzy. I never used to get this thristy before taking the tablets.

I have also found that whenever I get up, like get out of bed in the morning, or get up from sitting down, I always feel really dizzy, I kind of have to sit back down and sort myself out before trying to get back up again. It's quite scary and there have been times when I have got out of bed in the middle of the night or in the morning and fallen over or had to grab the wall to stop myself from falling over.The room starts spinning almost like I am drunk, when obviously I'm not.

Another thing I have found is that they are playing havoc with my memory, I always used to be able to remember all the little details about things throughout my day, now I sit down and I can't remember a thing, its all blurred in my memory and it scares me that I cannot remember details from my own day, a day I have actually lived. Its crazy.

The main thing it is doing is making me feel ridiculously drowsy, along with the blurred memory I feel like I myself am blurred, I've totally slowed down, I can't focus well at all. You know when people get angry and their eyes kind of glaze over? Well thats how I feel, glazed over, behind a foggy windscreen, and I hate it.

Sooooo, I've made the decision to come off of my medication. It's doing more harm than good, and I'm feeling alot more relaxed and happy at the moment. I've got an exciting few weeks ahead of me and I don't want to be fazed and blurred for all of that.

I popped into the doctors yesturday to make an appointment but my doctor goes on holiday today, I explained to the receptionist that I'm on tablets that I no longer want to be on but I wanted to talk to the doctor before doing anything. The receptionist kindly put a message through to my doctor to give me a ring, which she did. We talked about how I was feeling, and that I felt the tablets were doing more harm than good. She said it sounds like a good idea to come off them.

She has told me to cut down to one dose a night for a week, and then cut down to one dose every other day for a week then come off them completely, I may feel a few withdrawal symptoms but I should find that I am ok. SO I am going to be off of my tablets before my holiday which is good! I didn't want the hassle of having to take them abroad so I'm feeling really relieved all ready.

She mentioned I may find it really difficult to sleep because my body with me confused, I might be fidgety during the night and not get much sleep, she said I may get headaches also.

I cut down to one lastnight and I don't know whether it was my subconscious or what it was but I just couldn't get to sleep, maybe it was from feeling so good, I have no idea.I also have a bit of a headache today but I can live with it.

I am excited about the fact of being free from them, I understand that I may drop again, especially after all the excitement of things dies down and when I come back from my holiday, so I am prepared for that. The doctor said on the phone to go back and see her soon, so I am going to make an appointment when I get back from my holiday and see how I am feeling then.

xxx

Hey,
I was going to do this after my last post but for some reason I just haven't done it, kind of been busy what with having my last exam and everything. But this post is going to be an update about my back.

On Monday I went to the chiropractor, I was really nervous and I wanted to go but I also didn't because I was scared off what they were going to do.

So I got in there and I had to fill in a 'new client' form. Just all my details and stuff, I had to shade in this diagram of where the pain was and stuff. At the bottom it had a list of conditions and problems with a load of tick boxes, one of the was depression but I couldn't tick it because mum was there and obviously I didn't want her to know. I felt bad and I realised that the chiropractor must have to know for a reason otherwise it wouldn't be on here, but I just left it. It also said about medication which I couldn't write either because of the whole mum thing.

I got in the room, and we sat down for about 45 minutes just talking about all the things I have done to my mself over the years, I didn't realise how much I had injured myself in the past. When mum was having me my shoulder got stuck and there was complications, when I was younger I was hanging upside down from monkey bars and fell straight on my head, I damaged my neck. When I crashed my car (long story) I concussed myself and had whip lash. I concussed myself when I went surfing once and of course there was the trampoling incident a litte while back. Apparently all these injuries could cause the problems I am having.

She decided that I should have x-rays, which I did, all fourteen of them. After doing them she took them off and she said that they take about 30 minutes to come out properly so I wont be able to see them until next time, but if there was something she wanted us (me and mum) to see she would bring them back straight away. She went off to get them developed or whatever they do to them, and then came back.

She had brought one of the x-rays back with her, I was like what the hell? I though maybe she brought another one in to show me what they are trying to prevent or something, but then I saw that there were hair grips on the x-ray and I remember that I had left mine in. It was an x-ray of my neck and it looked a right state, and thats coming from someone who doesn't even know what its supposed to look like! She told me that my neck is curving the wrong way, and that the top and bottom vertebrate were supposed to be lined up but they weren't at all. She told me that this was quite serious and that there was a lot of work to do.

So I have a reversed curve in my beck which is causing a curve half way down my spine. She also said that I have an 'abnormal' arhc in my lower back which is putting pressure on my hips, which explains why they are twisting and aching. She weighed me and I am 8 pounds heavier on my right side than my left side.

After explaining a few things that she had found out from that one x-ray and said that in the next appointment she will lay all the x-rays down, and talk through every little detail so that we understand completely what is going on with me.

She told me that I am going to need about 25 hours of work, and if that doesn't work I may have to go to London to have an artificial vertebrate put in the top of my neck. I am so scared about this, she has told me that she cant promise anything but she is feeling positive.

That was all on monday and I was feeling crap, she did a little work on me so I was feeling light headed, lethargic and I was aching lots, BUT *thinking positive* its all for the best.

On tuesday I was still feeling kind of, well, really crap, so I went into school, I was planning on going in but I knew if I stayed at home, I would just pitter patter around thinking about my back and just run myself into the ground. I got the chance to see my counsellor, I had originally booked an appointment for thursday but managed to change it to tuesday, so I was able to vent it all out in there and talk it through. I told her about not being able to tell the chiropractor about the depression and the medication, and she thought she should know about it.

The chiropractor is about a 5 minute walk from school, so I decided instead of thinking about it for days and getting myself wound up about it to just go over do it and get it over with. I walked over with a mate, kind of for moral support I guess. When I went in I was so lucky because a friend of mine was working at the reception, I told her to make sure she didn't tell mum she had seen me and explained that I couldn't tell the chirpractor things because mum was there and was wondering whether I could have a quick chat. Within about 5 minutes I was in talking to the chiropractor.

I told her about the depression, the medication and asked her to not tell mum, she was kind of shocked at the medication I was and was asking questions about it, and was also really shocked about mum not knowing anything about it, bu she still promised not to tell her. When I was done with telling her about that she asked if there was anything else I wanted to tell her, and I remember that she had asked about any sudden weight loss or gain,so I told her about my problem with eating. She was really understanding and really nice about it, she said that I had put her in a difficult position but she was going to keep quiet about it. She also told me that she is going to need to ask my questions about that so mum will have to be out of the room, I was worried because I know mum will ask what was asked but she explained that sometimes she has to assess me on my own in the room anyway so she can save any questions until then. I'm just hoping and praying she doesn't let it slip or anything

My next appointment is Wednesday, she wanted to see me as soon as possible and thats the only appointment we could do, its in the morning so I've got the rest of the day to 'recover', because it does make you feel like crap afterwards, but she told me that it was normal so its ok.

I am feeling a bit better about it, after talking it through with my counsellor I haven't really thought about it until now, but I've just got to be thankful that the problem was found now, because its like anything the earlier its found the better it is and at least now it can start to get sorted.

xxx

Hey,
This is an update to basically talk about how I have been doing the last few days, well since my last post anyway. This is going to be about my eating and my feelings I am going to do another post updating about something there has been some progress with.

After doing some research on Thursday night and doing those posts it made me feel like there really was something good there waiting for me. A light at the end of the tunnel, it might be a long tunnel and it might only be a tiny tiny speck of light but the significance of it being there is something to take into account.

On Friday night I ended up babysitting for my cousin, it was what I needed, a whole evening to myself, somewhere different the television, my own space. I stuck the T.V on and grabbed a cuppa, settled down on the sofa and just started thinking, normally when I start to think its a downward spiral which I just can't seem to get myself out of no matter what.

It felt strange to be thinking really positively, really suddenly I felt this huge rush of... I don't know I cannot explain it. After a while I noticed I was crying, I couldn't think why, of course I started to think of what sort of negative/bad things would make me cry, and even though there has been so much going on there was nothing negative. I was crying from relief, I couldn't believe it. I felt like something had just budged. I was just totally shook up from seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but in a good way.

I saw my counsellor on Friday, she said this week that I worked really hard on that day, she could she how difficult it was for me to talk about different things but she could see that I knew I needed to so I pushed myself. We talked about new things, well things we had touched upon many times before but we just talked about it differently, in a different light. It was one of few sessions where I actually walked out with a smile on my face feeling immediately like I had got somewhere.

I still feel like I am stuck, but I'm starting to lift my body out of the quicksand and am begining another struggle and instead of this time going through it, I am coming out of it.

I understand there will be times where I will fall back and this positive outlook on things will totally disappear. But for now this is where its at and this is where I hope it will stay.

I had one of my first tests on Sunday, and rather than the feeling disappearing I felt like it was snatched from me. I came home from my dad's and my mum started nagging as soon as I came in the door. She wound me up, she was making stupid comments and just making me feel angry. She was talking loads of crap about shit I just didn't need to hear but she just kept shoving it at me making me listen. I got that angry that I ended up just going in my room and staying there, without talking to or acknowledging her at all. I cannot explain how angry I was with her. How dare she take my hapiness away from me?

I also had another test yesturday, which I am still in the process of dealing with, coming to terms with and understanding completely. I managed to change my appointment with my counsellor from thursay to today so got to talk to her today which was good and really helped. I was going to do the post about it all tonight but after writing this one I am feeling tired so have decided to do it tomorrow now.

xxx